Cancer and Chemo Secret Code

I wrote this on June 25, 1987, right after I had been diagnosed with breast cancer and was going through all kinds of fun stuff. And I hadn't even started the chemo yet! The place where I worked ran it in their monthly employee newsletter at the time. I think they didn't quite know how to take someone joking and laughing in the midst of something that was supposed to be so scary and serious. But God is good. All the time. Even in the dark times, His Word can give us a peace that the world just can't understand.

Having been as healthy as a horse all my life, these past two weeks have proven to be an eye-opening experience for me! Out of the clear blue, I have suddenly become the center of all kinds of attention I'd rather forego. BUT, dear friends, there are ALWAYS priceless bits of wisdom one can acquire from *any* experience...even when one goes into it as naively as I.

For instance, I have learned not to listen with my ears, but with my gut when the professionals are talking to me. And you know what? I discovered there is a second language to their language! So I thought I would pass it along in case any other greenhorns out there are called upon to experience the same rigors I have.

Here is my translation for you:

WHAT THEY SAY:
"We just want to perform a couple more little 'tests' to be sure..."

WHAT THEY MEAN:
"Lady, when we get through with you, there ain't NOTHIN' you can hide from us--not even a warped personality!"

WHAT THEY SAY:
"Oh, honey, you have such...*exquisitely tiny* veins!"

WHAT THEY MEAN:
"Now, how in the HECK am I supposed to stick THIS needle in THERE without making her look like a sieve?"

WHAT THEY SAY:
"Just sit in here and make yourself comfortable. The doctor is running a little late."

WHAT THEY MEAN:
"You might as well relax, sweetie, because you'll probably need treatment for *senility* before ol' Doc shows!"

WHAT THEY SAY:
"This? Oh, we're just injecting a substance that will cause... ah...certain *organs* to...'light up' when we use our scanning equipment."

WHAT THEY MEAN:
"This stuff should still be good by Christmas. If you want to save on a tree, just stand in the window and turn out the lights!"

WHAT THEY SAY:
"Now, just lie under the scanner in that position without moving for just a little while...until you hear the little beep."

WHAT THEY MEAN:
"Ok, Sam, set the timer for an hour and we'll go have lunch."